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Fatal Error

Hello, and welcome to the wonderful world of technology. Thanks to the increased speed and storage capacity of computers, we here at The Ornery Reports find that we can make more mistakes much faster than ever before and –


We love this message. We should. We get it quite often. It should come with a skull – and – crossbones label.

Of course, we never have figured out in what way the error is FATAL. Certainly our computers have survived and we are still here. Indeed, we have rarely even lost an active file. We suspect those techno-dweebs, wherever they may be, are simply having fun at the expense of those of us who can barely navigate our systems.

Consider another message we have seen: GLOBAL SYSTEMS FAILURE. It brings to mind images of satellites spinning out of orbit and plunging back to earth, stock market crashing, banks failing, traffic control systems on land and in the air failing… Yet when that message arose, those around us continued to work away either unimpeded by or oblivious to this electronic Armageddon.

Those techno-dweebs whom we mentioned earlier will tell us that these ERROR messages are caused by “operator error.” No they don’t. They are rarely that polite. Rather, they call us “idiots”. According to them, these computer systems are infallible and heaven knows, they must be right. A computer or software company putting out a defective product is about as likely as a vehicle manufacturer selling a car line with mechanical defects. We know that never happens.

We here at The Ornery Reports sincerely hope this message means that, for example, “Device A is not working properly because Device B is not working properly and the two are inter-related.” Otherwise we have an error message that would appear equivalently in a car owner’s manual as: ” if your car won’t start, it is because your car won’t start.”

We may be no more mechanically-inclined than we are electronically so, but we could probably figure that out on our own.

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